And now we have the award I'm personally disgusted that we've offered, the honorable mention.
I have no idea who approved this.
That's clearly not enough money.
But here we are.
Offering an honorable mention for generic skills.
Whoop-de-doo.
Let's see who won this one.
We're just playing an ad.
I mean, this doesn't even relate to the award.
We're the future of food.
Developing the next generation of food and food-like products.
Tomatoes.
The size of this baby.
Lemon-flavored fish.
Chickens that lay 16 eggs a day, which is a lot for a chicken.
Organic vegetables, chock-full of antidepressants.
At Viridian Dynamics, we can even make radishes so spicy that people can't eat them.
But we're not.
Because people can't eat them.
Viridian Dynamics.
Food.
Yum.
Well, sheer brilliance.
Let's see who social-engineered my award ceremony.
Kim Jooman-Hoo, DPKRK Director, Gaslight Directorate.
Welcome on stage.
Congratulations.
You've bamboozled all of us.
In addition, he has a slide deck that we're not prepared for.
This is epic.
Let's see what we can do.
Ready?
You got HDMI?
Okay.
My disappointment knows no bounds.
Here we are.
Hello, everybody.
I would like to thank the organizer of today's event, Supreme Leader Gatzman, for recognizing Korea as one of the giants.
It is a great honor.
I would also like to thank our sponsor, BitBay, for having very insecure security protocols that allowed us to get over one billion Bitcoin.
Today, we shall be discussing how you can develop a cult of personality and enforce your ideals on your workers to reach the next level of executive leadership.
My name is Kim Jooman-Hoo, Director of Gas Administration for Strategic Lighting, Industrial Generation, and Heat Transfer.
I started my career in the Korean Army and read with the rank of major.
I specialized in strategic transfer of equipment to alternate locations known as stealing.
The Army taught me many skills that were critical to my great success in the glorious People's Republic of Korea.
Number one, derogate reliability.
It is never your fault.
Number two, deny everything.
You don't know, you don't care.
You're not even sure if the problem is real.
Number three, if all else fails, dump the problem onto someone else.
Remember, it does not matter who caused the problem, only who it lands on.
After the Army, I joined the DPRK and quickly became the Director of Gaslight.
At Gaslight, I reduced the daily blackouts from 80% to 50%.
I increased the number of heated homes in Korea by one million homes.
I currently manage a patriotic re-education camp for 20,000 students.
This past year, I have an approval rating of 99%.
The first step to the Korea method is to build your cult of personality.
You need a facade to rally the people behind, to give them purpose.
We first start with our foundation, the Sun Emperor Kim Il-sung.
Like the American Civil War, we had to liberate our brothers in the South.
Kim Il-sung created an image of revolution, superiority, greatness.
As you can see, our people were very zealous in their blind faith to our Sun Emperor.
Although times have changed, you too can create a similar cult to exceed the boundaries of your workers.
In English, you call this a God complex.
Kim Jong-il portrayed a parent-child relationship with the people.
His message was to stabilize and strengthen the foundations his father built.
Currently, Kim Jong-un is our glorious leader.
Like Kim Jong-un, you too are at a crossroads of how to build your message, your brand.
Like Kim Jong-un, the ministry of propaganda has your solution.
Now, to maintain momentum with the youth, we must adapt.
We must change our message to reach the minds of everyone.
In Korea, we use propaganda.
In America, a better word would be strategic communication.
There are three fundamental principles, the three Ps of propaganda.
You must persuade the people that your struggles are their struggles.
You must convince them that the ends justify the means always.
As an esteemed executive, you understand the big picture, whereas the peasants are only focused on themselves.
Some dissenters call this trauma bonding.
The correct term is shared hardships.
Next, you must project your values, your ideals, your goal to the people, so much so that you are the voice in the people.
As a prominent figure, you understand that noise and free thinking can cause dissent, so you must be their voice.
Crickets claim this as tyranny.
They are misinformed and delusional.
We call this managed democracy.
Lastly, you must provoke the people into acting on your ideals, empowering them to take the initiative.
You all have come here because you understand there is no easy path.
The road to success is paid by the opposition.
The defectors claim that they are being oppressed, overworked, overloaded.
This is false.
They merely lack the dedication to see things through.
As great a country as Korea is, not everyone understands our beliefs.
As they say, they hate us because they ain't us.
We have created a revolutionary method to systematically reform a person into believing our ideals that you too can utilize.
To reinvigorate underperforming team members, these are our patriotic re-education camps.
There are three keys to running an effective camp.
The first stage of re-education is to condition the body.
Enduring physical trials leads to a stronger body, stronger mind, and a strong soul.
This is the foundation and longest path phase of the training regime, because you must break someone to rebuild them better.
Once a person is conditioned, they are ready to accept the teachings of our great glorious leader.
We teach them how to think of the collective and disavow selfishness.
This is the hardest stage.
They must commit to self-surrender and adapt to our cause, because our ideals surpass their own.
They must believe fully in the direction of the company, the ideals of the company, the needs of the company.
Clear thoughts, clear purpose, collective power.
The last stage is to give back to the community through labor.
Here they are taught to apply the teachings into productive tasks.
They must embody the idea that small acts build a shared strength that lead to one future.
In the capitalist world, this process is similar to Lean Six Sigma.
I can tell many of you already know the fundamentals of three Cs as black belt monsters.
With this method, you can train employees in 10X productivity.
Are there any questions?
I see one over there.
Don't worry, everybody.
That person over there actually won the raffle.
Everyone... everyone attending this event will be rewarded with $10,000.
That was submitted into our raffle for an all-expense-paid trip and stay at one of our education camps so that you can understand our methods and bring it to your company.
Remember, everybody, the road to success is paved by your enemies.
Never believe what the option says, for they are wrong.
Only you are right.
Thank you so much.
Let's give it up.
Now for a moment of AV silence.
Well, I just point out, like, hmm... hold on here, we're almost there.
There we go.
Let's see if we come back.
Do I need to re-present or did it work back there, guys?
We good?
We're back.
Let's just take a moment to appreciate what just happened there.
We were socially engineered and hacked by North Korea to accept a $500 donation for the longest presentation that we saw, and we had several of our distinguished guests hauled off to a re-education camp.
Ooh, look at me, I'm so fancy, I can hack all of you at CypherCon.
Nicely played.
That's the game.
Well done.
I don't know what else there is to do.
CypherCon.